Okay so if you've been following my blog for awhile, then you know that going back to school was something that I've been planning to do. This week I finally did it!
I have been suppressing my feelings towards going back to school but when the day came for me to take my mommy hat off and strap on my back pack, I was more nervous than a prized turkey in November.
First day of school, feelings of inadequacy and inability came over me. I felt like a fish out of water. My last class had a quiz within the first hour of class and a rigid assignment was due the very next day along with another quiz. <---In true BYU fashion of course! The professor was spitting terminology like ciphers and it all seemed like a foreign language. Transitioning from seven years of Dr. Seuss books to statistics equations is as smooth as my driving skills.
Did I really make the right decision? Am I going to be able to handle this, especially when Devyn is back in school? Questions started to fill my mind. I've been over these a million times before I made the official decision to start school this summer, but it was now my way out!
I came home feeling defeated and extremely overwhelmed, but I hit the books hard and crammed my brain out that night. I finally got to bed so exhausted in every possible way--physically, mentally & emotionally. I broke out in tears, completely letting out all the emotions I was encountered with that first day of school. Then in the dark of night when I thought everyone was fast asleep, I heard my husbands sweet voice whisper words of comfort and wise council, "Remember your WHY!"
At that moment, I knew I was going to be okay, as long as I remembered WHY I had made the initial decision to go back to school--for personal growth, to better my family and be a better role model for my children in hopes that they will obtain a higher education.
So here I am with the second day of school behind me and I think I just freaked myself out on the first day. My husband will testify that I'm the biggest worrywart. I'm getting into the groove of things and there are millions of mothers who have done it. I'm just glad I FINALLY took that first step!